I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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