I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
