went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
