Plan B is the new Plan A
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My life is pants optional.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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