Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
