I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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