I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
