This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
