We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
