The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
