I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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