u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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