God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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