i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
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You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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