he shaved USA in his pubs
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My bed smells like the plague
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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