talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We don't watch enough power rangers
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
