he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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