.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
