Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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