Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
birth control should be required to get into college
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
