Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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