Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
