We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
