She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize