what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
