highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
They took my balls.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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