I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
