Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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