Texts From Last Night

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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.

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  (504): Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words. http://tfl.nu/6lei
  Replies (35) Good night (1101) Bad night (2071)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book

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  (813): Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book http://tfl.nu/eyxq
  Replies (12) Good night (2868) Bad night (726)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...

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  (314): I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning... http://tfl.nu/4oxc
  Replies (27) Good night (1028) Bad night (4212)
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  (310): View more from California

  I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't

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  (310): I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't http://tfl.nu/g41b
  Replies (13) Good night (2851) Bad night (1197)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!

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  (216): I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this! http://tfl.nu/r5na
  Replies (4) Good night (2554) Bad night (978)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.

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  (613): She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place. http://tfl.nu/avtw
  Replies (4) Good night (3331) Bad night (1059)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you

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  (740): Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you http://tfl.nu/m5id
  Replies (2) Good night (2123) Bad night (904)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.

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  (281): Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers. http://tfl.nu/dra4
  Replies (7) Good night (3795) Bad night (794)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"

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  (307): It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically" http://tfl.nu/yzem
  Replies (7) Good night (655) Bad night (1309)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend

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  (506): my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend http://tfl.nu/ehpb
  Replies (14) Good night (4756) Bad night (781)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.

  (1-724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Not the worst first impression I've experienced.

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  (724): Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face. (1-724): Not the worst first impression I've experienced. http://tfl.nu/reln
  Replies (3) Good night (745) Bad night (366)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "

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  (317): I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time " http://tfl.nu/0ln5
  Replies (4) Good night (977) Bad night (433)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens

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  (+61): So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens http://tfl.nu/ihud
  Replies (3) Good night (546) Bad night (540)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.

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  (317): Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position. http://tfl.nu/8zmk
  Replies (1) Good night (304) Bad night (651)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.

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  (631): Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less. http://tfl.nu/jxdo
  Replies (1) Good night (498) Bad night (289)

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