so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY