I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.