Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
