Texts From Last Night

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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Define "chronic" masturbator.

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  (301): Define "chronic" masturbator. http://tfl.nu/qw3m
  Replies (14) Good night (1566) Bad night (1636)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??

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  (541): I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!?? http://tfl.nu/tgko
  Replies (8) Good night (710) Bad night (2461)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.

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  (248): don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag. http://tfl.nu/8xve
  Replies (6) Good night (3789) Bad night (1219)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind

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  (803): I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind http://tfl.nu/dnl0
  Replies (11) Good night (3827) Bad night (899)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.

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  (647): So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie. http://tfl.nu/dsah
  Replies (7) Good night (3229) Bad night (968)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first

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  (902): Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first http://tfl.nu/v8bw
  Replies (11) Good night (4740) Bad night (1193)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.

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  (281): thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone. http://tfl.nu/c518
  Replies (7) Good night (3433) Bad night (956)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.

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  (810): It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team. http://tfl.nu/1zge
  Replies (7) Good night (3329) Bad night (1372)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.

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  (952): You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness. http://tfl.nu/88ay
  Replies (7) Good night (2601) Bad night (711)
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  (310): View more from California

  I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.

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  (310): I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied. http://tfl.nu/wnhg
  Replies (13) Good night (4744) Bad night (960)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.

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  (706): they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking. http://tfl.nu/tfa8
  Replies (6) Good night (1128) Bad night (754)
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  (914): View more from New York

  He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.

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  (914): He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen. http://tfl.nu/pgtg
  Replies (3) Good night (2104) Bad night (655)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.

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  (252): You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives. http://tfl.nu/s1c1
  Replies (10) Good night (500) Bad night (1213)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world

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  (416): Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world http://tfl.nu/enih
  Replies (10) Good night (703) Bad night (1031)
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  (510): View more from California

  "Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.

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  (510): "Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me. http://tfl.nu/442l
  Replies (0) Good night (370) Bad night (150)

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