there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
