things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
