well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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