Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
