i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
