I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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