I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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