I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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