How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
