capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
