When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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