hell yes lets make some ravioli
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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