Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
