i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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