i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
