His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
