Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
MIDGETS
????
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
