I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
