2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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