Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
