Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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