I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
