No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
