I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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