Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I looked at my own cervix.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
