im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
