We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
