So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
