Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
