At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
