I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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