Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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