we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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